You check your phone for likes minutes after posting. You replay a conversation, wondering if they really approved of what you said. A compliment lifts you for an hour; silence drops you into doubt. Decisions stall until someone tells you they’re right. It’s exhausting, handing your sense of worth to whoever happens to be nearby and then waiting anxiously for their verdict. Beneath it all is a quiet hunger: please tell me I’m okay, that I matter.

The Mindful Approach

Wanting approval is natural; we are social creatures who evolved to seek belonging. The trouble begins when validation becomes the only fuel we run on. The Buddha spoke of the eight worldly winds, including praise and blame, gain and loss, and how chasing them keeps us tossed about. Freedom lies not in rejecting others’ opinions, but in grounding yourself deeply enough that their winds no longer knock you over.

Catch the craving as it arises. Notice the moment you reach for reassurance, whether it’s refreshing a feed or fishing for a compliment. Pause and feel the sensation underneath: anxiety, emptiness, restlessness. Simply naming it creates a gap between impulse and action, and in that gap you can choose whether to feed the craving or care for the feeling directly.
Build an inner source of approval. Practice acknowledging your own efforts without waiting for anyone else. When you complete something, tell yourself sincerely, “That was well done.” It may feel awkward at first. Over time this internal voice becomes steadier and more trustworthy than external praise, which is fickle by nature and often uninformed.
Act from values, not applause. Ask what you’d choose if no one would ever know. That answer points toward your real priorities. Living by them brings a quieter satisfaction that doesn’t evaporate the moment attention moves elsewhere. The approval of others becomes pleasant weather rather than the ground beneath your feet.

A Practice for Today

Do one thing today without telling anyone about it: a kindness, a finished task, a small personal victory. Resist the urge to share or seek acknowledgment. Instead, when it’s done, pause, place a hand on your chest, and quietly affirm your own effort. Notice any discomfort in keeping it private, and let that feeling be there without acting on it. You are learning to be your own witness. The approval you’ve been searching for can begin with you.